Monday, September 30, 2013

Giving the Baby Back: finding motherhood through infertility, foster care, and adoption is the story of how I became a mother. Which is to say, by any means necessary. And I used all of the means.

While my blog leans towards the irreverent with an extra helping of oversharing, writing this book has been a change of pace for me. A thousand word blog post is a project I can get my head around. Sixty thousand words? Not so much. But it is a quick read - very unlike the process it took to write it.

Anyone who has thought about being a parent for more than a minute is aware of all the risks and challenges involved in raising a child.
Anyone who has thought about parenting and decided to go ahead and become a parent, only to be faced with a very difficult path to parenthood can assure you: actually manifesting a child in need of parenting can be more difficult than the lifetime of parent/child drama that lies ahead.

At times during the last 20 years, I have had many moments of wonder.
Wonder at the cost of infertility drugs.
Wonder at every living thing's determination to propagate (or not).
Wonder at the miracle of life and it's simultaneous fragility and tenacity. 

Wonder at the amount of poop and vomit that can be generated by something that has only been out in the world for a week and has a stomach the size of a walnut.

Parenthood - before, during, and after the baby is finally in your arms - is humbling. It is the one true way to learn that we have no control over life. We're just here to live it. And maybe clean it up from time to time.

If you are thinking about parenting - in all of it's many, many forms - or trying to become a parent, I hope you will read Giving the Baby Back. It's an honest, messy recounting of all of the many stories and people involved in helping to create my family. It takes a village, not just to raise a child but to be lucky enough to have one to call your own in the first place.

Paperback can be purchased via this website (in the top right corner)
BOOKCLUBS - orders of 5 or more books being sent to the same address get a discount!
please email for more information

Ebook available on

"By going into foster parenting hoping to adopt, I probably became a foster parent for the wrong reasons. But I continue to foster because I have come to understand how valuable the experience is for everyone involved." 

"Giving the Baby Back" documents one young woman's single-minded pursuit of motherhood, and the relationships and opportunities that developed along the way. A personal, sometimes anguishing reflection on decisions made, risks taken, and how it feels to raise another woman's child. 

From the dusty streets of Puerto Rico to the shiny fertility clinics of Boston, and ending at a non-descript courthouse in Hawaii, this story explores the many ways it is possible to become a parent, and the determination and patience sometimes required to succeed.